Confusion
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Stay with me, please.WK fic, reviews are more than appreciated, come on! I don't bite. Unless you taste of martini...


If you stay with me I will show you the road. My hands will be shaking but my decisions settled. Have a look, Will, there's so many things to live.

You can pretend you don't like me if it's easier to you. There's an old saying that says we don't have to trust appearances. I can see it in your eyes, the way you call my name or look up as soon as I come in. A simple smile is enough to notice that you're shivering. Your heart is beating for me, you have no hold on it.

Is it just another visit in the middle of the night? Another wave of promises that will vanish as soon as you will leave? I hate feeling your kisses on my skin, they remember me how I'm addicted. What am I for you exactly? You never speak, never tell me anything. I'm hurting you, don't fall for me as I did for you. Please, don't.

I can't lie about you, I don't get it. I stay quiet but you have no idea how hard it is for me. It breaks my heart and feeds my tears. Small wonder why I don't like romantic comedies. They always end up with dramas when the screen turns dark and you find yourself alone. It was just a dream. Now deal with your sorrow and the lack of heat next to your body.

Is it only a fling or there's not even feelings? You don't need to smile at me if it's just pity. It won't be the first time, you know. I always overcame it so tell me why I couldn't bear it with our story. I may be tiny but my soul is thick. You won't get to hurt me, you can leave me in peace. And what if anyways if I burst into tears when I see your cab disappear at the corner of the street? You won't be here so don't be worried.

It's just an old routine.

I guess Grace knows something. But what? I can't even put a name on it. Neither do you. She can read through my skin and get my feelings. I didn't reply, she understood my silence. She caressed my cheek and took me in her arms. A hug from my Gracie is like the most beautiful rainbow coming from the clouds. It's not fair for her, it makes me feel so bad. She has the right to be told, if only there's some words to put on this story.

Is there something?

I never loved my life, never felt at the right place, at the right moment. Perhaps I'm just not made for this world. At least I will know I don't fit you if you don't stay tonight or let me fall asleep next to you. I like the softness of your skin when it brushes my lips. Go away, Will, if you don't care about me.

It looks like I took everyone in the whirl of my confusions, my bitter moods. Jack doesn't understand why my smiles have gone away. I wish I could tell him that you're ruining my life, that I love you so much and need your arms. How I dread the day you won't come back. Tell me it's not tonight. It can't be. Nor tomorrow or in a few weeks. Not even in a year or a whole century.What if you stay, Will?

Let me hold you tight and make you rest against my chest. Sat down on the ground, staring at the fireplace. I wrap my arms around your waist and press my legs on your thighs. I love leaning my head on your shoulder and close my eyes. How come it feels so natural if you decide that it's impossible? Don't touch me, don't kiss my skin. You're killing me, Will. You're such a gift, don't leave if you love me.

The clock strikes twelve, I frown and look away. I know it's time for you to say that you're sorry, that you can't stay. The script remains the same, day after day. You don't even change a word, nor look at me. You're just a coward, Will, but your soul runs in my vein, I can't help it. I hate the strength of these feelings that I do have for you, I'm agonizing. My eyes are so dry, I emptied the lake of my tears. Then why do you kiss my lips if you just go away? Let me draw a line under the violence of your acts. Alcohol makes me feel dizzy, it's all what I found to ease my injuries. It may be pathetic but no more than the whole scenery.

Don't hold my face between your hands, it speeds up the pace of my heartbeats. And then I plunge into your eyes and die at the scene. I can't push you away nor avoid your lips when they join mine for a kiss. I have to feel you close to my body for the last seconds of my dream. It's when I give you everything, all the love that I'm carrying. I wish it would never cease, if only. Let me make it last, over and over. Why do we have to break apart? I already know that I lost you. One more time. You take my hand and here we go.

« Let me stay, Karen. »

What if for once we trade our roles? Mine is too hard, too sad. I'm so tired to live it every night, I know your lines, let me try. I take a deep breath, it burns my soul. How come I'm still able to give you a smile? A ounce of courage, a ton of regrets. I shake my head and put back my tears. My throat sores, I clench my fists. Don't look at me, Will. It's so complicated, simply impossible. I'd like so much to show you the road. You have no idea how I'd like to take your hands and make a step forward, with you. Some wishes just can't be granted, you know that I love you, don't you?

« Don't be stupid, Will. Don't spoil everything. »

What if you stay so that I feel relieved? I won't have to turn my back and let my hair hide all these tears. Nor hear you take your coat, reach the stairs and disappear. I won't rush to the window to guess your figure through the darkness of the streets. Nor brush my lips thinking about your kiss. I will be yours for the eternity. Take me in your arms, make me smile, dance with me. Let me show you how I love when you're with me. How I love you, Will.

Or just go away, as I keep on saying.


End file.
